Ten Proven Strategies to Help a Child with School Anxiety
By Dr Daniel Gordon • 20, Mar 2025
A Doctor’s Guide
School anxiety is a common but often distressing experience for both children and parents. Whether it’s apprehension about a new term, worry over academic pressures or fear of social situations, school anxiety can significantly affect a child’s well-being and ability to learn. I’ve worked with many families and have seen how challenging it is for parents to watch their children struggle with worries and fears. The good news is that there are evidence-based strategies to ease school-related anxiety and help children thrive both academically and emotionally.
In this blog post, we’ll cover 10 practical approaches you can use to support your child if they’re feeling anxious about school. While every child is different, these methods offer a strong starting point for relieving worries and building resilience.
1. Talk Through Their Worries
The first step to ease school anxiety is openly discussing your child’s concerns. Sit down with your child in a calm setting and ask them to share what specifically worries them about school. Are they afraid of tests? Worried about making friends? Concerned about bullying or a new teacher?
Adopt a Listening Approach: Let your child speak without interruption and avoid dismissing their concerns as trivial. What may seem minor to you might feel overwhelming to them.
Validate Their Feelings: Even if their fears seem irrational, they are very real to the child. Reassure them that you understand why they might feel this way and that you take their worries seriously.
Show Availability: Make it clear that you’re always there to support them and that no question or concern is too big or small to discuss.
Pro Tip: You can use open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about what feels scary?” or “What do you think might help?” to encourage detailed sharing.
2. Create a Worry Journal (or Worry Monster)
Sometimes, children struggle to express their anxieties in conversation. In these cases, a worry journal can be incredibly helpful. Encourage your child to write down or draw their worries about school whenever they feel anxious. If your child is younger, you can use a “worry monster”—a toy or box where they can post their written concerns for later discussion.
Why It Works
Identifying Patterns: Writing down worries helps children see common triggers.
Slowing Overthinking: The act of journaling slows mental loops and can significantly reduce anxiety levels.
Parent Insight: Reading these worries can give you, as a parent, a better grasp of what’s going on in your child’s mind.
3. Teach Your Child About Anxiety
Education is a powerful tool in combating anxiety. Younger children may benefit from learning the concept of “thoughts” as something separate from reality—just because they think something scary doesn’t mean it will definitely happen.
For older children, you can explain that anxiety has three components:
Fearful Thoughts: Worries like “What if no one likes me?” or “I’m going to fail this test.”
Physical Sensations: A fast heartbeat, upset stomach, sweating, or shakiness.
Avoidance Behaviours: Skipping class, avoiding social interactions, or refusing to do homework.
Encourage your child to see that avoiding anxiety triggers (e.g., missing school) can perpetuate the cycle of worry. By facing their fears, they disrupt this cycle and learn to handle discomfort.
4. Challenge Anxious Thoughts
For older children and teenagers, cognitive strategies can be very effective. One popular method is to have them “take their thought to court.” Here’s how it works:
Gather Evidence: Write down reasons why their fear might come true. (Example: “I sometimes struggle with tests.”)
Gather Counter-Evidence: Write down reasons why their fear might not come true. (Example: “I have passed many tests before.”)
Weigh It Up: Compare both sets of evidence to reach a more balanced view.
Caution: Avoid trivialising their fears. The idea isn’t to dismiss their worries but to evaluate them more rationally. Younger children may not be ready for this analytical approach and might benefit more from simpler reassurance and practical strategies.
5. Teach Relaxation Techniques
Because anxiety often manifests with physical symptoms, teaching your child ways to calm their body can have a big impact on how they feel mentally. Three popular methods include:
Deep Breathing: Simple exercises like “box breathing” (inhaling, holding, exhaling, holding for equal counts) can slow a racing heart.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tensing and then relaxing each muscle group from head to toe helps relieve tension.
Mindfulness: Activities like guided imagery or focusing on the senses can ground children in the present moment.
Encourage your child to practice these techniques at home, ideally for several minutes, to get past the initial scepticism. Remind them that it may take a few attempts before they notice any substantial effect.
6. Break School Anxiety into Manageable Chunks
If school feels overwhelming, a fear ladder can help your child take small, structured steps toward facing their concerns. Here’s how:
List Anxiety Triggers in Order: From least scary (e.g., putting on the school uniform) to most scary (e.g., speaking up in class).
Gradual Exposure: Encourage them to tackle each stage of the ladder one at a time, building confidence as they move forward.
Make It a Game: Frame it as a challenge—like “winning levels” in a video game or a sports tournament.
This method turns a daunting task into incremental challenges that feel more achievable.
7. Use a Reward System
A well-structured reward system can be a powerful motivator for children to face their school anxieties. Consider these guidelines:
Clear Goals: Set a specific target linked to the fear ladder, such as attending an entire week of school without missing a day or raising a hand in class once a day.
Instant Rewards: Provide a small incentive (like a sticker or extra playtime) immediately after they achieve the goal. This immediate feedback helps reinforce the desired behaviour.
Scale Back Over Time: As your child becomes more comfortable, gradually reduce the frequency of rewards. Make sure you discuss these changes in advance so they know what to expect.
Remember that consistent exposure to anxiety-inducing situations, coupled with positive reinforcement, is one of the most effective ways to reduce fearful responses in the long term.
8. Avoid Letting Your Child Skip School
Seeing your child struggle with fear or panic about going to school is heartbreaking. The temptation to let them skip a day here or there can be strong, especially if you feel it might offer them a break from stress. However, avoiding school can make the anxiety worse in the long run. Each missed day can reinforce their fear, making re-entry to school even harder.
General Rule: The longer a child stays away from school, the more the anxiety cycle is perpetuated. Whenever possible, work with teachers or school counsellors to create a supportive transition plan rather than opting for a complete absence.
9. Reflect on Your Own Experiences of School
Children are very perceptive; they can pick up on parental stress, expectations, and even unresolved anxieties. By thinking back to your own school days—be it exam pressures, friendship issues, or bullying experiences—you may discover unspoken emotions that shape how you react to your child’s worries.
Share Your Stories: Open up about your own past fears and how you overcame them. This can normalise your child’s feelings and offer a sense of hope.
Avoid Projecting: Remember that your child’s experiences, interests, and fears may be different from your own. Support them in forming their own path and learning from inevitable mistakes.
10. Seek Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a child’s anxiety remains overwhelming or starts to significantly affect everyday life. This could manifest as persistent school refusal, frequent panic attacks, or debilitating fear that disrupts the entire family. In these cases:
Consult with a GP or Paediatrician: They can rule out any underlying health issues and provide a referral to specialist services if necessary.
Consider a Child Psychologist or Psychiatrist: Professional mental health support can offer specialised therapy or interventions to tackle deeper-rooted anxieties.
Involve the School: Teachers, school counsellors, and administrative staff can also be important allies, helping to create a supportive learning environment that addresses your child’s specific needs.
Conclusion
Helping a child through school-related anxiety can be a delicate balancing act. On one hand, you want to validate their feelings; on the other, you need to encourage them to face their fears rather than avoid them. By integrating open conversations, worry journals, relaxation techniques, incremental challenges, and positive reinforcement, you’re building a robust framework to support your child’s emotional health.
Keep in mind that progress may be gradual. It’s entirely normal for children to take one step forward and two steps back at times. With patience, understanding, and professional guidance if needed, your child can develop the resilience and confidence to navigate academic pressures and social challenges more effectively.
If you found this post helpful, visit our Baby and Child Health Services to learn more about how our expert GPs can help you and your child stay on top of your child's health.
Disclaimer
This blog post provides general information only. It is not intended to provide instruction and you should not rely on this information to determine a diagnosis, prognosis or course of treatment. It should not be used in place of a professional consultation with a doctor.
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